I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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