Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
