So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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