During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
