Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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