just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
