I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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