I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
