i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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