you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
