Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
