my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My breasts were aching with rage.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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