Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize