No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
