I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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