idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
