I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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