This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize