Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
