I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize