Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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