I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize