i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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