You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
