Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
