some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
