I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
