Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize