when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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