thus making me awesome and them whores
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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