I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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