hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
