Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
