You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
