did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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