Is it normal to miss your booty call?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
