Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize