i love accidental penises.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
