break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
