ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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