when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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