You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
