if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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