You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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