How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
do herpes really smell.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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