why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
