his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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