well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
