I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No subtext here. People are naked.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
