I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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