So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is my life. Enjoy the view
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
