you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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