this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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