you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
