When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
