it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
