Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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