Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is Oprah even human
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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