As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
