I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize