Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
