i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
