i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
