the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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