Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
