Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need a beard to bite.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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