I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize